So, bear with me a moment, I’m going to talk a little tragedy, but it really does relate to writing, you’ll see. (And forgive me if I go all train-o-thought on you.)
I’ve been a bit subdued on-line wise lately, and it’s because I’ve got two major stresses in my life taking up most of my time.
One: My grandparent’s illness. My grandfather just passed away a couple of days ago from Alzheimer’s complications. He is the second grand parent I’ve had pass away this year, and it’s been tough. He’s survived by his wife, who also has dementia.
Two: My wedding is just around the corner. Getting plans finalized is a hassle.
My wedding has gone hand in hand with tragedy in the family since the beginning. But, what I’ve realized is that instead of tainting the happiness of my marriage, the impending wedding has actually served to soften the blow of my loved one’s passing.
My great-grandmother died the day after I bought my wedding dress, but that doesn’t mean my excitement about it was short lived. I am so thankful I was able to tell her about it before she passed away (she was far too sick to leave the house, of course). I had flown back to Oregon to go wedding dress shopping with my mom and grandma, and my great-grandma lived just long enough that I was able to share it with her.
So, the writing point: When death accompanies birth or marriage in books, it almost always signifies more impending tragedy, or some sort of emotional black-cloud that looms over the event.
Having experienced what I have in the past year this theme is (for me, I realize other people react to tragedy differently) unrealistic.
Instead of lamenting that my grandparents can’t come to my wedding, I’m eternally grateful that they got to meet my fiancé and be part of the preparations before they died.
Now, I can see the sentiment being “black cloud” if the deaths were unexpected or sudden. Neither of the ones I’m talking about were. My great grandmother was 97, my grandfather had been sick for years.
So, perhaps that’s the difference.
What’s I’m trying to get at is emotional situations in writing should not be treated “whole-sale,” and they often are.
Not everyone grieves the same way. Not everyone loves the same way. There is no equation for feeling, no “this event = this emotion.”
As a writer, I need to get into a character’s head and know how they would specifically react to given situations. As a reader, I often see sets of standard-reaction-cards being put in place of real emotions in stories.
Why is this?
I think it comes from the same place clichéd sayings come from. We see it repeatedly, and it becomes an ingrained, knee-jerk description (like “knee-jerk,” for example). It’s not the most effective way to get the point across, but it’s convenient.
In plots and prose, convenient is a dirty word.
So, how to overcome it?
When you’re in that moment, feeling those feelings, write it down. When I was grieving for my great-grandmother, that’s what I did. Just an hour after she died I knew I wanted to capture what I was going through in words (to be honest, more so for my personal sake than my writing’s, but it translates well).
On my wedding day, I plan to have a note-pad on stand by.
The key to this exercise is not to use any words that are standardly associated with the feeling. If you can’t find a more specific way to write it, at least use little-used synonyms. This will divorce your thinking from the whole-sale carbon copies.
I’ve found this to be a very good way to stay genuine and not have stereotypical pseudo-feelings creep into my work as much as they would other wise.
Have you ever done this before? If not, maybe you’ll find it useful too. Hope so!
~Marina
Rejections with the goal of 100: a measly 9
My condolences for your losses and congratulations on your wedding! Those weddings certainly do have a way of becoming all-encompassing. I think it's a good idea to not expect everyone to have the same reactions to tragedy--or to happy events either. I hope all this does help you grow as a writer. Please share some pictures after the big day!
ReplyDeleteThanks.
ReplyDeleteOh no, your second comment disappeared. I approved it and now it's gone! But I completely agree with it. Comedy can be tragic and vise versa. Or appear that way. I often deal with tragedy by making light of the situation, which some people don't like. Usually I have to explain that I laugh to keep from crying.
Eerily significant to me, your post.
ReplyDeleteThree years ago my grandmother died of Alzheimer's complications. It was a horrible time for the whole family, but no one took it worse than my grandfather, who watched his wife of almost 60 years fade away. Near the end, he gave up himself, stopped eating and had to be put in a hospital. While my mother and sister performed deathwatch duty (it took weeks for Grandma's organs to completely shut down), it was my job to sit in the hospital with Grandpa and try to coax him into wanting to live.
During those long afternoons, I wrote a story called The Backward Fall (I'd noticed people with Alzheimer's seemed to be falling backward in time). It poured out of me and is one of my most cherished stories. I'd never before, and have not since, had a writing experience that was so pure and uncomplicated. It was sort of the holy grail of writing for me: I communicated everything I wanted to communicate - about the disease, its devastation and its effect on others - without once needing to describe anything.
Thank you for sharing that, Jason. It's interesting how genuine our writing becomes when it reflects what's happening in our lives. I think the author's personal connection can be felt by readers.
ReplyDeleteIt's these times when I'm overwhelmed with strong emotions that writing for me shifts from a passion to a therapy. It's such a versatile medium, with so many benefits for the creator. Art holds a mirror up to life and often clarifies things, I think.